BuggBlog

In which I become an asshat

I can think of at least a few people thinking, "Become?"

Past asshattery (asshaberdashery?) aside, what I mean is that I have become the very thing which I once hated with a passion: the parking lot asshat. You know, the guy who parks across two spaces in the grocery store parking lot? The one you curse when you're looking for a spot -- or even when you're not looking you just curse out of general principle?

I was not immediately an asshat after I got the Camaro, a piece of property for which I still have an inordinate amount of excitement and adoration. In my zeal to maintain a dent-less and scratch-free paint job, my general approach has been to park as far away from the entrance of any place I go, on the theory that if I park in a distant section with about 50 empty spaces around me, then I won't have to worry about dickwads slamming doors into my car.

And, almost without fail, every time I do so, some asswipe in a 20-year-old fucking Honda beater or Toyota minivan with Hello Kitty stickers has parked right next to me, completely oblivious to the fifty fucking other spots available not only within the immediate area, but right next to the fucking entrance.

Seriously, what the fuck is up with you people? Is there some gene that causes your brain to fire off endorphins at the knowledge you're parking your shitty ass sludge-mobile right on top of any car that looks like it's been maintained with a modicum of care? Do you get hard when your clunker comes within inches of a car that's had more regularly scheduled oil changes than you have hairs on your calloused wide-berth ass?

(Obviously, when I say "you" I don't mean you. Unless you've shoved your grimy, faded, "Kerry 2004"-bumper-sticker-festooned Prius up my ass in a parking lot recently, in which case, yes, I mean you.)

Solution: Two parking spaces, thank you. It's not perfect, because I can't bring myself to take up two spaces in a crowded parking lot. I'm asshat with limits.

What did that poor BMW ever do to you?

Really, does any car deserve this?

 

I mean, it's not like the Z4 is the prettiest car ever made in the first place, but strapping a park bench to its ass ain't helping matters any.

Maybe he meant a Google car

So John McCain wants to offer a government prize of $300 million to the inventor of an effective electric car battery. Where does he make the announcement of this proposed government windfall? Standing in front of the world's first production electric-powered sports car, the Tesla. See about :25 seconds in on the tape:

Really, does John McCain understand any technologies that emerged after the compact disc? Does McCain really believe that having government play Monty Hall is an example of non-pork-barrel, responsible government spending?

It is going to be a loooooooong summer.

Now for something with four wheels. Good!

I've just begun another cycle of review cars -- seems like I'm going to spend the next few weeks driving SUVs and crossover SUVs. What's a "crossover" SUV? Well, you'll have to drive yourself over to my new blog, Four Wheels Good, to find out.

Just up is a post on my initial impressions of the 2008 Mitsubishi Outlander SE; later this week I'll have some thoughts on the surprisingly strong Suzuki XL7 Limited.

And I'll likely do some Google whoring by talking some more about what makes a gay car. It's like internet candy for straight people, they just can't get enough.

Judicial activism from beyond the grave

The saga of Virginia's abusive driver fees continues its convoluted and frustrating way, this time because a previously unremembered 1878 state Supreme Court ruling that it seems would prohibit the legislature from telling the state's courts to stop assessing and collecting fines for abuse driver convictions even though the legislature is now repealing the law. From the Post:

Since the fees went into effect July 1 to help finance a transportation bill, more than 1,000 motorists convicted of felony and misdemeanor offenses have been ordered to pay the fees, which are assessed over three consecutive years. One option under review is to ask motorists to finish paying the installments and then issue a refund.

Hey, maybe next time the legislature will elect to raise highway revenue in a fair way, without resorting to political trickery and sleazy conflicts of interests.

Or not.

This item is cross-posted from my embryonic new car blog, Four Wheels Good.

Nuts to that

Someone needs to bar Virginia lawmakers from having anything to do with our highways. Via Jalopnik, this report from WTKR explains how Va. Del. Lionell Spruill (D) of Suffolk is showing his political stones by taking on the burning issue of truck nuts. Sigh. Now I'm going to have to order me some.

Unsurprisingly, it all comes down to another case of, "Won't somebody please think of the children?"

Note: This post is cross-posted from my embryonic new car blog, Four Wheels Good.

Four wheels rising

Slate has a middling piece by Anne Applebaum on the moral quandaries posed by the development of technologies than can alleviate some of the world's extreme poverty but increase the dangers of climate change. Applebaum points to the unveiling in India of the $2,500 Nano, the new ultra-cheap ride that promises to greatly expand the mobility of the nation, particularly those rising from the lower to middle class.

I say the piece is middling because she's absolutely spot on about the dilemma, but reluctant to go anywhere with the observation. Here's the former:

What does feed the masses, at least at the moment, is no secret: high-tech farming, chemical fertilizers, genetically engineered crops. Modern means of communication and transport—cars, telephones, computers—will eventually make the poor richer, too. Though there are many fans of "environmentally sustainable development" who believe we can have less poverty, less pollution, and lower carbon emissions at the same time, that's not happening out there in the real world, as the unveiling of the Nano demonstrates well.

"That's not happening out there in the real world" is kind of an understatement, and it gets to one of my bigger frustrations with the overall movement to combat global warming. I actually do think global warming is a problem that needs to be addressed, but when activists are running around blaming specific hurricanes or short term weather patterns on the long-term (and still not completely known) effects of global warming, it's obvious they're taking a page from the anti-smoking movement where statistics are routinely manipulated to make it seem that being within 100 yards of a lit cigarette is as lethal as shot of cyanide on the rocks.

It's also very, very easy to bemoan the miserable state of the environment when you can afford to make "environmentally friendly" choices. As Applebaum notes, "In many countries, the desire not to be poor is, at the moment, stronger than the desire to breathe clean air. Look at photographs of Beijing in the smog if you don't believe me."

Even though Applebaum gets the problem, she hedges when it comes to what sorts of measures might show that environmentalists were taking the poverty v. environmentalism debate seriously. She writes: "If, at the next [climate change] conference, delegates also focus even a few minutes of their attention on the millions of Nano cars that will take to the roads in India and elsewhere over the next few years, then we'll know they're really serious."

Some words aren't really a measure. Some level of support for things that will elevate the world's poor and speed up the process by which more of the world can afford to be environmental caretakers would be a better measure. But I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for an endorsement of upward mobility as represented by the Nano.

Note: This post is cross-posted at my embryonic new car blog, Four Wheels Good.

In the Driveway: BMW's tough love

Given the events of the past few weeks, I'm lamentably behind on posting my thoughts on the cars I'm currently driving for review. So here begins the official catching up, with a look at two high-end 2007 models.

First up is the BMW X5, the larger of the German automaker's two SUV offerings. Frankly, all BMWs are touch cars to love. They drive like a dream -- pretty much every BMW I've driven, I've enjoyed purely from the experience of holding the steering wheel, pressing the accelerator and making it go. It's just all the other stuff that gets in the way.

The infamous iDrive is as counter-intuitive and frustrating as ever, sitting on the center console like a clumsy doorknob. Sometimes you twist the dial to get what you want, other times you jog it in one of four directions, and other times you press it. Perhaps it's because I'm an Apple Kool-Aid Drinker and therefore used to elegant design solutions for control interfaces, but I expect an interface to have some sort of logical consistency. With the iDrive, I'm constantly dialing when I should be jogging, or vice versa, and having to clumsily navigate backwards to escape my error.

In the Driveway: 2007 Toyota Tundra

So the Toyota Tundra arrived on Thursday, and now it sits like a big white behemoth in my driveway. If nothing else, the pickup packs some serious bulk (though it seem just a shade smaller than a Dodge Ram I parked next to on Friday). The first thing Cavin asked me, after he managed to climb into the passenger seat, was, "How do you drive this in the city?"

Answer: Very, very carefully.

Honestly, a truck this size has no business in the city unless you're using it in some necessary professional capacity: contractor, landscaper, plumber, junk collector. Naturally, I drove it into the city the first chance I got -- I needed some way to get to that panel at the Washington Hilton. I asked a friend beforehand if I could park the sucker in his private alley spot, which led me into a tight situation with a garbage truck before I finally realized I would never fit the thing in without blocking 3/4 of the alley. Back to the street it was, where I got lucky and found spot I could pull into just a block from the Hilton. It was actually easier than when I parked it later that day in the Tyson's Corner parking garage.

Other first impressions:

• It cruises along pretty nicely, though that's not a huge surprise given the honkin' V8 under the hood. It's supposed to be pretty heavy on torque on the low end, but I don't plan on hauling any loads of cinder blocks in the next week, so you'll have to take someone else's word for it.

• It handles fairly well, though I feel compelled to drive a little gingerly given the size. My brother-in-law would probably be able take the thing through D.C. like Cooper Mini, but I need to compensate for my lack of recent experience. The ride's a little rough in patches and, given the low-end torque and all, it's a little herky jerky in stop and go traffic.

• The interior has that "nice, but not too nice" feel of many trucks. Basically, there are enough touches going on to make you feel you're getting something better than a simple farm truck, but not so much it's going to push it past the $35,000 sticker price on this model. Though you could bump that up by adding in some navigation and other extras, but the six-disc CD with AUX input is included here. Copious amounts of console storage are a big plus.

• I really like the exterior -- it has some of the butch-type stylings that set apart a truck like the Dodge Ram, but in a way that feels a bit more refined. That said, overall I still prefer the overall look of the Toyota Tacoma.The Tundra is rated at 14 mpg city, 18 mpg highway -- I've been getting 15.4 mpg average, with mixed city/highway (a little heavier on city). It may be a Toyota, but it ain't a Prius.

We'll see how I feel about the brute after a few more days driving around town.

Wheels make the world go 'round

So, as I mentioned, in addition to focusing on the new business, one of the things I'm looking forward to is the time to dive back into car reviews. Tomorrow, if all goes well, will mark the return of "In the Driveway" posts, followed not too long after by the return of Gears to Metro Weekly. My driveway will be filling up soon, starting today with the gargantuan (and fairly butch) new Toyota Tundra. It's not even here yet, and I already have an urge to go and haul some heavy shit around. Nothing in particular, just, you know, something heavy. And probably dirty.

In actuality, I'll probably just go to the grocery store with it today. But I can dream.